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How can I stop cutting?

Carly knows her cutting behavior has spiraled out of control. Instead of feeling calm and relieved, she feels greater remorse and shame about what she’s doing to herself—but she can’t seem to stop. She went three whole weeks without cutting, but then did it again.

If you engage in self-injuring behavior—cutting, burning, bruising, branding, or picking or pulling skin and hair—you can take steps to try to resist the urge to self-injure. Like other urges, the desire to cut will pass if you can wait it out. Try some of these strategies:

• Distract yourself. Call a friend, take a shower (remove any razors), go for a walk or ride your bike, watch a DVD, play with a pet or dance like crazy.

• Find something soothing or calming. Listen to music, try a breathing exercise, practice yoga, play a musical instrument or cuddle up in a comfy blanket. Make a cup of tea, warm milk or cocoa.

• Express deep emotions in another way. Draw, paint or even scribble; write in a journal; compose songs, music or poetry.

• Work it out. Doing something physical can help release stress and tension. Exercise, dance or play Wii. Knead a stress ball or clay.

• Try a cutting substitute. Rub an ice cube on your skin or squeeze it in your hand. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and snap it—gently. Draw on your skin with a red marker in the place you usually cut.

• Keep trying. Stopping a behavior like cutting can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Avoid visiting websites that promote a sense of sisterhood among cutters. Seek help from a trained professional who can help you tap into your strengths and teach you better ways of coping with emotional pain.

Sexual Harassment at Work

Sara knew when she took the job that she’d be one of very few women in the office, but she had complete confidence that her skills and abilities would help her excel. Unfortunately, it hasn’t worked out that way. The culture at work has become hostile ever since she repeatedly refused to go out with a colleague on a date. Now, instead of asking her out, he makes comments about her clothes, finds ways to brush up against her in hallways and tells others at work that she must be gay. The stress has led to headaches and bouts of anxiety. She used to have perfect attendance, but now has used up all her sick leave. She’s afraid that complaining about the harassment will only make it worse.

What’s sexual harassment? Sexual harassment is unwelcome verbal, visual or physical behavior that’s sexual in nature and is severe or ongoing, or creates a hostile environment. It can include comments about clothing, personal behavior or a person’s body; sexual jokes; repeatedly asking a person out; inappropriate touching; leering; and rude drawings, pictures or e-mails of a sexual nature. If you find yourself in a similar situation, take these steps to try to resolve it:

• Say “no” clearly. It’s not sexual harassment if the behavior is welcome. Communicate to the harasser—through your actions and words—that his or her behavior offends you and you want it to stop.
• Document the harassment. Keep a log of dates, times, what happened, and any witnesses to the incident. Store the record in a safe place at home—not at work. Report the harassment in writing and keep a written record of the response. Keep copies of everything you send and receive.
• Review your personnel file. You have the right to see it; check your state’s law to see if you’re entitled to a copy of your file.
• Follow the company’s grievance procedure. Speak to a Human Resources officer. Reporting the harassment is important. It may stop the behavior, and it makes your employer responsible for stopping it.
• File a complaint with a government agency. Before you can file a lawsuit of any kind, first you need to file a formal sexual harassment complaint with the federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) and the corresponding agency at the state level.

Given the incredibly high cost of postsecondary education, many young adults are starting off their independent lives saddled with debt that didn’t burden previous generations. Getting out of debt and on the road to financial security will take savvy and dedication, but you can do it. Follow these tips to avoid costly mistakes:

• Create a budget—and stick to it. A budget is more than a guide on how to spend your money. A budget should help you increase savings, repay debt, avoid impulse spending, cut expenses and make decisions about what you can afford.

• Pay yourself first. Get into the habit of “paying yourself” by depositing money into a savings account, 401(k) or other long-term investment. Make your own coffee instead of picking up a $4 cup at Starbucks and you can save $1,460 a year. Invested at 5 percent, that money will grow to nearly $1,865 in five years. Imagine what you can save by brown-bagging your lunch several times a week!

• Pay down debt. Follow the 20-percent rule: Don’t commit more than 20 percent of your take-home pay to debts—credit cards, car payments, student loans and other installment loans. Already in over your head? Seek advice from a reputable financial advisor to reduce your debt to a more manageable level, or visit www.repaydebt.org.

• Create an emergency fund. Build at least six months’ worth of funds that could cover your expenses in the event of a job loss or other emergency affecting your income. If your company shut down tomorrow, how would you buy groceries or pay your rent, car insurance, or electric bill?

• Set goals. It’s easy to get caught up in the struggles of day-to-day (and paycheck-to-paycheck) living. But by setting both short- and long-term goals, you can view the big picture more easily and stick to your budget.

• Learn more. Enroll in a class or workshop, or visit www.smartaboutmoney.org.

While there is a relationship between your major and your career, they are not necessarily the same thing. Most majors don’t lead directly to a particular job, but they can help prepare you for a range of job possibilities. For example, even in a technical field like engineering, there are professionals who majored in math, biochemistry, geology, forestry and physics. And most history majors do not become historians; you’ll find them in such fields as teaching, but also in advertising, banking, sales and law.
    
While planning your life’s path, you’ll need to answer two major questions: What do I want to major in? What do I want to do for a career? To help you find answers to either—or both—follow these steps:

• Learn what makes you tick. Visit the career services or advising office at your school to take a personality or self-assessment test. Two widely used tools include the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and Strong Interest Inventory (SII). These instruments can help you pinpoint your likes, desires, skills, motivations and values, and direct your academic and career interests.

• Get the 411. Gather information about potential careers through the U.S. Department of Labor’s Occupational Outlook Handbook. Use your undergraduate course catalog to mark courses that interest you and match your abilities. Visit the departments’ Web pages and learn about the professors, their credentials and their fields of expertise.

• Explore options. Many schools offer life and learning workshops, discovery seminars or career-planning courses that are designed to help students contemplate their choices.

• Evaluate and choose. Consult with your academic advisor or a career counselor who can help you select a major that reflects your academic strengths.

• Take action. Sample a few courses in the major. Find a mentor. Get a job or internship in the field. Conduct undergraduate research.

Most people find that their careers evolve and change along with the world, the job market and their personal lives and interests. Don’t shun worthy opportunities because they don’t seem to lead immediately to the next rung on the ladder. Allow yourself flexibility to explore new-found interests and build on what you already know and have achieved.
    

Bob recently started working out at the community fitness room. He’s trying to shake his former high-school persona of the geeky-looking guy more suited to being a team’s equipment manager than an athlete. He just doesn’t seem to be getting the results he wants. He’s thinking that using steroids, maybe just a cream form, or just for a little while will help.

Bad idea: Anabolic steroids—artificial hormones that mimic male sex hormones—are more than illegal, they’re incredibly dangerous. Side effects include acne, oily hair, bad breath, hair loss and premature baldness. Women get swollen genitals and facial hair. Guys suffer testicular shrinkage and painful urination.

Long-term damage includes menstrual changes (for women), heart disease, cancer, liver damage, depression, suicide, impotence and sterility.
Weight training, using free weights, machines or rubber resistance bands is an important part of an overall fitness routine. Such training can increase muscle mass and the strength of your muscles, bones and joints. It can also help improve endurance and balance and boost the number of calories your body burns. But many people train incorrectly and suffer injuries and strains or simply don’t see the results they want.

Get the most from your workout by following these tips:

• Ask an expert. Book a session with a certified trainer to plan your exercises and ensure you’re using proper technique.

• Warm up. Walk briskly or do calisthenics or another aerobic activity for five to 10 minutes before weight training. Cold muscles are prone to injury.

• Lift proper weight. Start with a weight you can lift comfortably for 12 to 15 repetitions. As you increase weight, one set of 12 to 15 reps that work you to fatigue is adequate.

• Breathe correctly. Exhale as you lift the weight; inhale as you lower it. Don’t hold your breath.

• Schedule rest days. Don’t exercise the same muscles two days in a row. Either alternate training days or work different muscles groups on different days, like your arms and shoulders on Mondays, legs on Tuesdays and so on.

It’s probably hard to imagine a time when your mom or dad was farther than a text message away. And while you likely value the closeness you feel with your parents, their hovering and intrusiveness in your life may cause you to doubt your abilities or resist making your way on your own. What’s more, as you develop close relationships with others—for example, a spouse or your own children—you’ll need to learn to trust your judgment and decisions.

Try these tips to start down the path to greater independence:

• Pay your own way. This can be difficult, especially if you’re still completing your education or just beginning your career. Even if you’re living at home, chip in at least some money to help with groceries, utilities or other household expenses.

• Draw a firm line. Listen to your parents’ advice about resolving workplace issues and gladly pursue a job lead, but make it clear to your parents that they must not overstep their bounds. They must never contact your boss or a potential employer on your behalf.

• Turn the tables. Deflect Mom and Dad’s focus from you by asking about their day and activities. Encourage them to pursue their own interests, separate from you.

• Reassure them of their value to you. Remind your parents that you love them and respect their advice. Of course you should seek their opinion regarding some of life’s major events, such as buying a car or a home or relocating. But ultimately, make it clear that you’re the one who must make—and live with—your decisions.

• Find a confidant. Talking with a counselor or therapist will allow you to vent and explore some of life’s crises and emotional issues without burdening your parents. Your parents may have trouble trusting your decisions if they must be your emotional cheerleaders all the time.